We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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