So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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