I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
