We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
