All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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