I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
a search helicopter?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So vagazzling was a success
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