it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
