Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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