I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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