I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
