anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.