how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi