Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN