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I cannot find my penis.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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