Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  And mexicans. My burrito likes you.

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  (212): And mexicans. My burrito likes you. http://tfl.nu/p311
  Replies (2) Good night (2065) Bad night (949)
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  (530): View more from California

  How is Miami?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln

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  (530): How is Miami? (954): Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln http://tfl.nu/e6r8
  Replies (11) Good night (1553) Bad night (615)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

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  (412): I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish. http://tfl.nu/e99m
  Replies (6) Good night (996) Bad night (3605)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks

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  (703): relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks http://tfl.nu/2hg2
  Replies (3) Good night (4088) Bad night (1073)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.

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  (208): make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say. http://tfl.nu/7pqa
  Replies (2) Good night (2530) Bad night (696)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.

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  (708): You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit. http://tfl.nu/hyfu
  Replies (2) Good night (1884) Bad night (1491)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....

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  (850): No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status..... http://tfl.nu/5hnt
  Replies (9) Good night (2972) Bad night (1254)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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  (240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb
  Replies (7) Good night (2531) Bad night (796)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.

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  (405): We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch. http://tfl.nu/g5x2
  Replies (4) Good night (1693) Bad night (562)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass

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  (301): I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass http://tfl.nu/ww71
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead

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  (850): My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead http://tfl.nu/ahqq
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (1285)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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  (203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f
  Replies (6) Good night (615) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.

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  (712): I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple. http://tfl.nu/5d4d
  Replies (1) Good night (936) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right

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  (732): watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right http://tfl.nu/79oz
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.

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  (870): I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me. http://tfl.nu/aimq
  Replies (0) Good night (245) Bad night (352)

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