the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier