I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is