i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...