We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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