Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
