Whod you bang
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
