Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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