I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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