I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize