Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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