Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
