Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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