I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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