Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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