So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
