last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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