i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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