well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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