eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
