Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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