my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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