My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
