Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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