It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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