you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
