I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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