I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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