A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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