Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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