woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
