Will you blow on my dice?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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