Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
