none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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