No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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