its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
