I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
