Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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