You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
