Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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