Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Text me some of your sweat
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
