I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
