Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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