A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
