You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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