is your mom at the bar?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
PANTIES FOUND
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