i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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