Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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