Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were trust falling into bushes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
