i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize