I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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