You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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