just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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