it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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